Funny Father’s Day Cards That Would Make Clarkson Stall a Tractor

Father’s Day is approaching faster than Jeremy Clarkson in a Lamborghini on country lanes, and you’ve got two choices: panic-buy socks at a service station, or send a funny Father’s Day card that says, “I love you, but also… you’ve emotionally scarred me.”

If your dad, stepdad, grandad or random neighbour-you-call-dad loves Clarkson’s Farm, dark humour, or passive-aggressive gratitude, then these are the Father’s Day cards you need. And if he doesn’t? Send one anyway. It’ll toughen him up.

Here are 20 iconic cards from Prickly Cards that say, “Thanks, Dad — for everything... and nothing.”

1. For the Dads Who Love Diddly Squat (Literally)

You're Getting Diddly Squat

The You’re Getting Diddly Squat card is peak Clarkson: sarcastic, blunt, and possibly shouted across a muddy field. Perfect for dads who love tractors, Top Gear reruns, and pretending they didn’t cry at the lambing episode.

Clarkson’s Farm Happy Father’s Day

This Clarkson’s Farm card is for the dad who’s convinced he could run a farm, but can’t even keep a basil plant alive. Send it with a six-pack and prepare for a speech that starts with “Back in my day...” and ends with “bloody EU.”

2. Clarkson’s Cult Heroes: Gerald & Kaleb Edition

Gerald

Let’s be honest — we all love Gerald, even if we don’t understand a single word he says. The Gerald card is ideal for dads who communicate solely in grunts, nods, and vague mumbling about fuel prices. A linguistic mystery. A legend.

Tramline, Tramline, Tramline

The Kaleb Cooper card is for the dad who thinks the sat nav is “a government conspiracy.” Full of chaotic rural energy, it's basically a love letter to all the stubborn dads who refuse to drive to IKEA because “there’s nothing wrong with this one from 1996.”

3. For the Dad Who Needs Reminding Why You’re Even in His Life

Thanks for Not Putting Me Up for Adoption

A heartwarming nod to the fact he didn’t dump you at the nearest fire station. The Adoption card is funny, heartfelt, and slightly traumatising. Much like your childhood.

Thanks for Not Pulling Out

If your relationship is built on sarcasm and deeply inappropriate banter, the Pulling Out card is the one. It’s bold. It’s wrong. It’s exactly what he deserves after teaching you how to change a tyre but not how to cry.

4. For the Dad Who Rates Cards Like He Rates Clarkson’s Farming Skills

This Card is Sh*t

If your dad’s the type who opens presents and mutters “it’ll do,” this Father’s Day card leans right into it. It sets expectations appropriately low — just like every one of his DIY projects.

I Choose My Cards Like I Choose My Nursing Homes

This card’s for when you want to remind him: keep being decent, or he’s getting sent to one with bingo on a loop. The nursing home card is equal parts threat and promise. Iconic.

5. Father Figures Who Stepped Up (Even If They Dated Mum Briefly)

Out of All Mum’s Boyfriends…

It’s a card. It’s a compliment. It’s a subtle reminder he wasn’t the first. The mum’s boyfriend card is for the man who didn’t ghost you after the relationship ended. Respect.

You’ve Always Been Like a Father to Me

Sweet. Sort of. Maybe. The father-ish card is vague enough to apply to stepdads, godfathers, ex-boyfriends of your mum who used to buy you Happy Meals — whoever raised you emotionally, financially, or just knew your favourite Monster Munch flavour.

6. For the Dad Who Raised You Right (Or at Least Didn’t Ruin You)

Two Dads Are Better Than One

Representation matters, babe. The Two Dads card is a glorious shoutout to queer families, adoptive parents and bonus dads who are twice as cool and half as emotionally constipated. We love to see it.

Your Life Was More Fun Before Kids

This one’s brutally honest. The life before kids card is for the dad who sometimes looks at you like you're the reason he can’t go to Glastonbury anymore. He’s not wrong.

7. Tech-Savvy Dads (Or the Ones Who Think They Are)

Alexa, Send Dad a Cheap Card

Does your dad call Wi-Fi “The Google”? This Alexa card is perfect for the man who shouts “ALEXA!” like she’s a waitress in a Harvester. He’ll love it. And by love it, we mean stare at it in confusion and say “Is this one of them memes?”

Wordle-Loving Dad

Start his Father’s Day with five green squares and pure validation. The Wordle card is for the dad who sends you screenshots of his two-row wins and expects applause. This card guarantees at least one smile — and one smug sigh.

8. Dads Who Love a Bit of TV Drama

Line of Duty: “Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the Wee Donkey”

If your dad thinks he’s the head of AC-12, send the Line of Duty classic. It’s dramatic, Northern, and excellent with a pint. Just like him.

Friday Night Dinner: “Shit on it!”

The Friday Night Dinner card is for dads who accidentally invented catchphrases. A chaotic masterpiece for the man who once burned toast and said it “adds crunch.”

Below Deck

Is he emotionally unavailable but always criticising other people’s leadership skills? The Below Deck card is ideal. Bonus if he’s also the captain of passive aggression.

Happy Father’s Day Fella

Another Line of Duty nod, because sometimes all you need is “Fella” to say “I love you but can’t make eye contact.”

9. Politically Inclined Dads (With a Wicked Sense of Humour)

Nicola Sturgeon Card

The Nicola card is for politically charged papas who watch Question Time like it’s Love Island. Funny, bold, and surprisingly bipartisan. Just don’t open it at the dinner table if someone votes UKIP.

10. For the Dad Who Laughs at Cow Puns (And You for Writing Them)

I Herd It’s Father’s Day

You either love this pun or you groaned so hard your Alexa called an ambulance. The I Herd It’s Father’s Day card is for farm dads, Clarkson fans, and anyone who once said “moooo-ve it!” and giggled to themselves for hours.

Conclusion: Farming, Farts, and Fatherhood

Whether your dad’s a full-blown farmer, a sarcastic armchair Clarkson, or just the man who taught you how to parallel park while screaming, these funny Father’s Day cards are guaranteed to make him laugh, snort, or mutter “bloody brilliant.”

So forget socks. Forget keychains. And for the love of Jeremy, forget novelty ties. This year, say it loud and say it rude with a Prickly Card. Because nothing says “I love you” like mild emotional trauma and cow-related wordplay.

FAQs: Funny Father’s Day Cards

1. What’s the best Father’s Day card for Clarkson’s Farm fans?

Start with the Diddly Squat card or the Gerald card. Absolute farmyard perfection.

2. Are rude Father’s Day cards appropriate?

If your dad has a sense of humour and isn’t a vicar — yes. If not, maybe stick to the cows.

3. Do you have cards for stepdads or adoptive dads?

We do! Try the Two Dads card or the delightfully vague “You’ve always been like a father to me.”

4. Are Prickly Cards based in the UK?

Absolutely. Funny, fast, and printed in proper British banter.

5. Will my dad actually like these?

If he doesn’t — blame Clarkson. Or Kaleb. Or Brexit. Honestly, we don’t care. You’re hilarious.