10+ Funny Christmas Cards That’ll Get You Taken Off the Nice List

Looking for funny Christmas cards that make people laugh instead of yawn? Skip the snowflakes and reindeer and go for something cheeky, rude, or gloriously inappropriate. These cards are perfect for friends, partners, and anyone who prefers their festive cheer with a side of filth.

Funny & rude Christmas cards (UK) that actually slap

We’ve handpicked our most outrageous, sarcastic, and downright hilarious rude Christmas cards UK edition. Each one comes with a suggestion for who to give it to — so you can cause maximum festive drama with minimal effort.

This Card Sucks — perfect for your partner or cheeky boyfriend who finds double entendres more festive than tinsel.
I F***ing Love You (Christmas) — ideal for husbands, wives, and long-term partners who appreciate straight-talking romance under the tree.
Unhealthy Things Inside Your Body — for the mate with zero filter and an unhealthy sense of humour.
Merry Christmas, Prick — great for banter-heavy friendships and siblings who give as good as they get.
I’ve Been Waiting For Santa To Come All Night — for partners with a wicked sense of humour (and maybe a Santa suit).
X-Ray-Ordinary Christmas — perfect for medical professionals or anyone who enjoys a festive pun.
“Oh Oh Oh” 5-Card Pack — for stocking up on cheeky cards to send to your entire naughty list.
Empty The Sack — a must for boyfriends or husbands with a thing for innuendo.
Santa Doesn’t Like Pricks — for that friend who’s definitely on the naughty list (and proud of it).
All I Want For Christmas Is… Your— — give this to a partner with a high tolerance for festive filth.
All I Want For Christmas Is… Anal — for the boldest, most unshockable other half (definitely not office-appropriate).

Bonus: rude Christmas tree decorations for maximum drama

Cards are just the start. Our sweary Christmas baubles and fillable ornaments take festive chaos to the next level — perfect for friends, colleagues, or relatives you’d like to mildly offend.

Sweary Christmas Bauble — ideal for mates who love both Christmas and profanity.
Pack of 4 Sweary Baubles — perfect for decorating the tree of someone with a filthy sense of humour.
Emergency Christmas Spirit Bauble — for the friend who needs a tipple to survive the in-laws.
Personalised Fillable Bauble — great for adding your own mischievous twist (think mini bottles of gin).

Why rude Christmas cards are better than “nice” ones

Sure, you could send a card with a snow-covered cottage and some robins. Or you could send something that will actually be remembered — and maybe even displayed proudly on the mantelpiece. Funny Christmas cards show personality, break the monotony, and keep the festive spirit from becoming too sickly sweet.

Plus, they’re a brilliant icebreaker. Got a new partner meeting the family for the first time? Hand them a Merry Christmas, Prick card for Uncle Dave and watch the awkwardness melt away.

FAQs about funny & rude Christmas cards

Do you ship Christmas cards across the UK?: Yes — all our funny Christmas cards are printed in the UK and ship fast.
Can I order multiple cards in one go?: Absolutely. We even offer multi-packs like the “Oh Oh Oh” pack so you can stock up for your whole naughty list.
Are these cards suitable for work colleagues?: Some are — stick to the puns if you like your job, and save the filth for after-work drinks.
Do you sell matching gifts?: Yes — check out our personalised Christmas baubles for a festive set that truly matches the chaos level.