Rude Anniversary Card – “It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself”

Because nothing says “I still love you” quite like a graphic innuendo slapped on luxury cardstock. This rude anniversary card is not for the faint of heart—or for anyone who doesn’t appreciate a bit of filth with their fondness.

With the bold, unmissable phrase “IT AIN’T GONNA SUCK ITSELF” in glorious shouty capitals, this A6 beauty delivers passion, cheek, and pure, undiluted honesty. Perfect for couples who know that romance isn’t always roses and poetry—it’s sometimes a wink, a nudge, and a very pointed suggestion (When you really want a blow job).

Printed on high-quality textured cardstock and blank inside for your own seductive scribbles, it's the ultimate way to say, “I still would.”

💘 Ideal for anniversaries, romantic milestones, or just reminding your partner of their... responsibilities.

Check out our other funny anniversary cards here

At checkout, you can select your preferred shipping option based on your location – how very bespoke! We can ship to most corners of this fabulous planet, though occasionally an item might throw a tantrum and refuse to travel to certain places. If that happens, we’ll sort it and let you know.

However, due to those utterly thrilling new GPSR regulations (don’t worry, I didn’t know what they were either), we’re unable to ship to the EU or Northern Ireland at the moment. Devastating, I know – pour yourself a drink and blame bureaucracy! We’re working on a solution, though, so keep your fingers crossed and your spirits high!

This time period includes the transit time for us to receive your return from the shipper (5 to 10 business days), the time it takes us to process your return once we receive it (3 to 5 business days), and the time it takes your bank to process our refund request (5 to 10 business days).

In summary, wherever possible, we’re here to get your goodies to you – and we’ll do it with as much panache as we can muster. Happy shipping, my love! 🌍✨

Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned—like that time we tried to adopt a goat called Susan. If you've received something from us that’s not quite right (wrong item, defective, or simply cursed), fret not! Here's how our enchanting returns process works:

The Basics
You may return most new, unopened items within 30 days of delivery for a full refund. Yes, we will even cover the return shipping costs if the blunder was ours. We’re generous like that.

Timing is Everything
Now, refunds don’t happen in the blink of an eye, but they’re certainly faster than growing a bonsai tree. Most refunds are back in your hands within four weeks of you handing your package to the return shipper. Let me explain this magical timeline:

• Transit Time: The shipper brings your return to us, usually taking 5 to 10 business days. This journey is like a scenic road trip but with fewer snack stops.
• Processing Time: Once we receive your parcel, we’ll process your return in 3 to 5 business days. We take this seriously—no dawdling allowed.
• Bank Shenanigans: Then it’s over to your bank, which can take another 5 to 10 business days to process the refund. Why banks move slower than a snail on a lazy Sunday is beyond me, but we’re all at their mercy
  
  

How to Initiate a Return
It’s easy-peasy:

1. Log in to your account
2. Click the "Complete Orders" link under the My Account menu.
3. Hit the Return Item(s) button, and voilà, you’re halfway to refund bliss.

Once your returned item waltzes into our warehouse and we’ve done our thing, we’ll send you an email to confirm your refund has been processed. Pop the kettle on, check your bank balance, and prepare to be reunited with your hard-earned cash.

Any questions? Don’t hesitate to get in touch. Unlike some goats, we don’t bite. 💅